One Bird Does Not Make Spring; OR If At First You Don’t Succeed, Redefine Success

So to start off, I wanted to show you some pictures from the Donkey-cart Bar Crawl that I did with my friends. I wrote about this in the last entry, but didn't post the pics:

The donkey-cart

Drinking the local home-brewed beer.
Alyssa, Suzanne, Me, Maria, Raili

9 – 11 May 2014

These few days I’ve spent at our “Close of Service” Conference. This is an event where all of the people that I began my service with journey to one place [Cotonou, and then the beach at Grand Popo], and we discuss how to wrap things up here in country, pin down the dates we’re going to leave, and talk about how we’re going to readjust to moving back home.

It’s been a tumultuous time. At this point, I’ve pretty much everything but declare that I’m not going to stay a third year. It’s been a really hard and wrangling decision. I still don’t know if it’s right. We had a panel discussion with former Peace Corps volunteers. Obviously, the ones that were available to talk to us in Benin were ones that went into development work, which is not necessarily the predominant path for all volunteers. However, for me personally, the development and abroad work is the path that I want, so I tried to really listen to their advice. I was encouraged to hear that the emerging thought on development is actually leaning more towards private investment. Since that lines up with the ideas I discussed in my last blog, this actually works out really well for me. On the other hand, the advice from every person is: “It’s not what you know, but who you know.” This of course, is terrifying for me. I hate networking. It’s the worst. Why can’t my accomplishments just speak for themselves? Why can’t someone, somewhere, just look at my resume, my impeccable writing skills, and realize they would love nothing more than to hire me? Suddenly, I want to stay in Benin, find a job here, and spend the next year schmoozing with embassy folks and USAID, etc workers and making connections. But then I realize that’s also one of the things that I don’t look forward to in doing a third year: becoming enveloped in the ex-pat world. If I stay, I want to hang out predominantly with locals.

The speakers did offer me hope, however, by pointing out that Peace Corps is basically like a huge fraternity. Two of the people currently in Benin moved to DC and slept on a fellow RPCV [Returned Peace Corps Volunteer]’s couch while they searched for a job. They got interviews by reaching out to other volunteers in a job they wanted. So I guess the good news is that I have that, I have College of Charleston Alumni networks, and I have Phi Sigma Pi (my honor’s frat) networks [with a very active alumni member in DC!] So quite honestly, this can work. Right now I’ve been applying to what one might call my “dream jobs”, but I’m sure once being back in America, I might loosen my requirements, and look for a job that could at least begin me on a good path, or even one that can get me back OUT of the country as soon as possible.

I’m also worried about readjustment. I’ve told a few people that I had a culture shock just thinking about the availability of ice and soda from a fountain in America. There are many things that make me not want to go home to the excess, the cold, the processed life of America.

Some presenters and fellow volunteers warn me about people that might ask me “So how as Africa? How was your mud hut? How was living with black people?” Questions, that for many people, might send them into a frenzy over the questioner’s ignorance, or the simple inability to wrap up two very significant and life-changing years into one sentence. I feel blessed, however, that the existence of this blog [as well as social media and Skype, etc] means that the vast majority of people that I care about and people I will run into will know more or less about my experience already, and will be able to ask more specific and non-ignorant questions. I feel blessed that many of my friends/peers have also had this experience—Peace Corps or other programs—that have changed them. That is one thing that we’ve also been warned about, that friends that we’ve left behind really won’t have changed. They’ll be older, maybe have a different marital status, but basically the same person. I, however, know I am a very different person than the one that stepped on a plane in Philadelphia two years ago. But so are my friends, my sisters, and my mom. They’ve been doing Peace Corps or Americorps, or gallivanting across the US, or simply taking some life-altering steps. We have a lot of catching up to do. And I find it thrilling that the people around me will have just as much to share with me as I will with them.

The presenters also offered advice about reflecting on our Peace Corps service. If you’ve read my blog, you’ll know that there have been many ups and downs, projects that I loved, and ones that didn’t go so well. One of the ladies offered the quip: “If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.” I’ve talked before about how, obviously, I have really lofty goals, but I’ll settle for even making a small difference. And if I do more than that, obviously that’s even better. But even my failures should help me in the future. Continuing with development work, I’ll know certain things that should be avoided.

For the most part, however, the conference has been largely boring. We went over resume-writing, etc, but I’ve been frantically researching that the past month as I suddenly decided to apply to jobs. I simply used my computer and the internet to apply to more jobs.

Nevertheless, we were in Grand Popo, which is a beautiful beach town in Benin. Here are some pictures from the conference:

The view from one of the rooms.

The beach

Alyssa and I chilling

I also had a chance to talk with Yves about my frustration in Kerou, and Peace Corps’ seeming ambivalence to the struggle my life has been. He explained that, of course, PC can’t go around being rude and burning bridges. Which is the opposite of my intentions. I want to burn so many bridges. Too bad all the bridges here are made of stone...

Okay, but I get it. I explained all the reasons that I think no volunteers should be put in my situation ever again. And Yves said something along the lines of he was starting to realize that Hubert was not the upright, helpful, professional person he appeared to be. Which I understand. If you go back and read my blogs from the very beginning of my service, I was enamored by Hubert. I thought we were going to accomplish great things together. He is so good at saying great things. His problem is the follow-through and the outright lying. Yves obviously has much less day-to-day interactions with him, so it just took longer for him to see. I am glad that Yves trusts me to see. Obviously, both of us would love for a volunteer to be able to work in Kerou, because the people there would benefit. But as long as Hubert is there, and there is no one able/willing to work with us, provide real structure, etc, it’s just not even worth it. I told him about the effort I’ve been making, to little avail, and Yves responded in French that, “One bird does not make spring.”

16 May 2014

Every second, my mind changes, regarding my future. Why is this so hard??? Why can’t I just figure out what I want and exactly how to get there? Right now?

I talked with Yves, and we discussed my possibility for my third year of service. I was all prepared to tell him no. I actually talked with the owner of the organization I would potentially work with. It is an organization called La Bel Benin, which buys and sells local products [i.e. neem cream, shea butter, dried fruits, etc] And honestly, the guy didn’t seem too sure of what he would do with me. I offered up that I’m really good at organizing, would be fabulous at helping them come up with an organization system [yes I am my mother’s daughter], that I can crunch numbers for new/ongoing projects, etc. But I don’t have much expertise in the way of drying fruit [a project this organization wants to expand] or looking for export markets, etc. Honestly, it seems like I might learn more from this organization than I have to offer them in concrete skills at the moment. I didn’t know if that would be a good fit.

But then Yves talked about how I could work in their administrative services, as well as going into the field, meeting with producers/suppliers. And this is EXACTLY what I want to be doing in my life. I want to have a business that expands production in developing countries. Maybe not on the baseline level, but at least one that buys from local producers, etc. So maybe this is exactly where I should be. I should be here, have an actual job [instead of dicking around in village, not really accomplishing much]. I should see a real business in a developing country at work, experience the issues they run up against, and try to work with them to find solutions, knowing what I know about village life combined with American consumers and basic marketing skills.

But then I realize this country sometimes makes me miserable. I get mad at people so easily. I very rarely feel truly happy. I’m not healthy. Not at all.

So do I choose career advancement and possibly saving the world, or do I choose my own selfish impulse to go home, curl up in my mom’s basement, DRIVE MY BEAUTIFUL CAR again, and then peace out and crash on my friend’s couch/hammock in Puerto Rico [no, this is real thing] and possibly do some cool entrepreneurship development there? I WOULD GET TO LEARN SPANISH.

I visited a friend here in Benin. Her site is absolutely gorgeous. I live in the north, which is the Sahel. The Sahel is the less-deserty area south of the Sahara Desert. It’s nothing but sand and dried weeds and clay. It’s almost entirely flat, except for a few rocks that jut up from the ground once in a while. But this girl lives in the “Collines” or “Hills” region of Benin. She looks out on beautiful hills in every direction. There is so much green all the time. There are so many palm trees, everywhere. Anyway, the organization she is working closely with has a little office, that is just open on the top floor. The desk just faces out on this beautiful landscape, beside a coconut palm tree, and gets the breeze that floats through. Oh, and did I mention that in one corner of this office, there is a hammock that you can just casually relax in to take a break from work?

Me, in the hammock

The view from the office

 That is what I want. I want that. I want to work in a tropical location. It can be a desk-ish job, as long as I also get to get up from that desk a lot. I want my life to be relaxed and beautiful. That’s all. I think, of course, this will be most easily accomplished by just starting my own business, so I’m my own boss and can make all the decisions about office locations/set-up.

So I think in a year I want to apply to get and MBA. And really either way, I’d make a fabulous candidate. Either I have, I lived in Benin for 3 years, two of which I was pretty much on my own, but still did cool development projects, and one I worked this kick-ass job where I got on-the-ground experience with business development. Or alternatively, the first part is true, but year 3 becomes learning my 3^rd language, and working in a country with entirely different economic needs/issues.  So does it really matter what I do?

This is the part where I wish I believed that god was an entity that actually told you what to do. JUST THIS ONCE, GOD I DON’T WANT FREE WILL. Just this one decision, make for me. K, thanks. No, really.

Don’t you just love giving me money?

So the last thing I’m going to write about for now is another plug for money. With some local volunteers, I am organizing a girls’ camp. It’s really exciting, because this is almost like I’m back at Mar-Lu-Ridge [see, that was another time in my life where I never had any questions about my future. I knew my summer job, every summer, for three years. It was perfect. But I digress.]

There are 6 volunteers organizing the camp for 30 girls. Three of those volunteers, obviously come from Kerou [Maria, Raili, and I]. Then there are three others in the county that is south of us. These are the people that we hang out with a lot, and we thought it would be cool to do this together. Plus, it’s awesome that we are in multiple sectors together. We have an Economic development volunteer [me], a Community Health volunteer [Maria], two Environment volunteers, [Raili, and Will from Oussa], and then two TEFL volunteers, [Ally K, who incidentally is a CofC graduate!, and Ron, who is near Oussa].

So we are all getting together to organize this camp. We’ll have different lessons for these girls [middle-school age] about everything from budgeting to safe sex. We will also talk about girl’s empowerment, and encourage them to take a leadership role in their community. I’m really excited about the project. It will give me a chance to interact with girls like I haven’t before, and hopefully influence a few lives.

So we do need some money for this. And that’s where YOU come in!

I know I recently asked for you money for another cause, so for this one, I’m not asking as much. The amount is less than my other project, and is split between multiple volunteers and their families/friends. So even if you can throw a few dollars my way, that would be SO, SO, SO appreciated.

Thank you once again by everyone’s constant support. I honestly wouldn’t have made it this far without your encouraging words when I’m down, and more just knowing that people know what I’m doing here, and think that I’m doing a good thing, or at least trying. I don’t think I can every express how much it means to know that people are reading my blog, thinking about me, wishing me luck from afar, and so on.

Here is the link for my donating to my project, which is called “Eastern Atacora Girl’s Empowerment Camp 2014”:

https://donate.peacecorps.gov/index.cfm?shell=donate.contribute.projDetail&projdesc=14-680-021

Love you all!

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I know, I know, I haven’t written in ages. Things have been weird, I guess that’s the best I can say. A lot of explanations of why I haven’t written can be found “The Bad” section of this blog. It’s not the most inspiring blog, but it isn’t a depressing drivel either. It’s basically a picture of exactly where I am now.

The Good

So most importantly, the past month or so has not been all bad. Far from it, actually. Number one: Luna had her kittens! Four!

It was quite an interesting experience. I’ve never experienced cat birth; the last time it happened while I was asleep. But early in the morning she started pacing and occasionally meowing like she might be in pain. A weird, dark thing emerged from the place that kittens would come out later. I looked it up, and sure enough this is the first stage of pregnancy. Unfortunately for Luna, that day was market day, and I’d promised to meet up with Raili and run some errands with her, so I made a suitcase of mine all nice and comfortable [lots of towels, etc], threw her in their and told her good luck. When I came back a few hours later, there were three and a half kittens born! I say “half” because one was literally half way out of there, which apparently she forgot in her excitement to greet me. She came out of the room, dragging this half-born kitten with her, and then plopped him out in the middle of the floor. Not long after this, however, she realized what she’d done, and took the mewing mess back to the suitcase. Anyway, even though I wasn’t there for most of it, birthing looks painful and gross, and it’s not at all high on my priority list at the moment [sorry grandmothers…]

However, I am impressed with the knowledge of mothers. Like Luna never read “What to Expect When Your Expecting,” but yet she still knows to push out the kids, chew off the umbilical cord,, and lick the little kittens clean, feed them regularly, and everything. I’m sure there are some body hints, like maybe if it hurts, I should just push until they’re out. But some of the other stuff…it’s just impressive.

But we have four healthy kittens, all with properly functioning tongues, and ravishing appetites. And Luna is such a good mom. She tends to them very regularly. And although some websites said you shouldn’t touch the kittens, I ignored this advice as soon as Luna had properly cleaned them. The websites said this would discourage the mother from carrying for them, but Luna knows my scent, obviously. She would just give me somewhat reproachful “meows” when she saw, but simply licked the kitten clean again when I put it back.

So anyway…zomg kittens!!!!!!!!!! Cute. So cute. I’m a blibbering mess whenever I look at them. And two of them have heart-shaped markings! Hearts! D’awwwww. Actually, all of them are adorable. Three of them—the girls—have the same coloring as Luna, and the one boy has black spots, but so did one of Luna’s sisters. Here’s one million pictures of them:

Just born

Luna with the babies

Aww...

I also had some fun events. I threw a “Beat the Heat: Southern Style” party in Kerou, where we made fried chicken, beans, hushpuppies, fried okra, and mac ‘n’ cheese with VELVEETA. Yumm! And I really did drink my entire bottle of sweet tea vodka (okay, I may have shared some too) It was amazing. And I had tons of fun with my friends, it was a great day. It was nice hanging out with volunteers, discussing our sites, our upcoming plans for Peace Corps / life, and getting a little reminder of America.

Another weekend, I visited a nearby volunteer, and we had a bar-crawl in donkey carts. Yes, you read that correctly. We sat in metal carts attached to donkeys and went from bar to bar. It was really fun and amusing. I was sitting with another girl, and as we were drunkenly curled up in the cart, our friend went to buy more whiskey, and we were getting hit on by guys, she said, “The epitome of class. If only my parents could see me now.”

The project with Constant continues, obviously. I haven’t been back out to the site much. Firstly, because Constant got malaria, so had to spend some time recovering. Then his girlfriend of a few years [who lives in Banikora, two hours north of us] broke up with him. It’s really weird here, because Beninese men can be super emotional. Not in crying, just in really depressing moods and hyperbolic statements. He comes over and tells me that he’s just been lying in bed, with no motivation, and also he thinks he’s done with women, forever. I just want to shake him and yell, “What are you, a teenage girl??? Go eat some ice cream and get over it.” But, of course ice cream doesn’t exist in this part of the country.

But Constant does report that the cucumbers have started really showing, which is exciting news. Additionally, each of the families have brought their chickens to the school, and someone in the community knew how to do that thing where you cut their tendon or something so they can’t fly. So we don’t even need to bring out the veterinarian for that. It’s really moving along. In a few weeks, when there is a break between the small and big rainy season, and the roads are more passable, I’ll got out there again. Right now, they're kind of dangerous.

Finally, due to having more free time [see below], and subsequently reading the Game of Thrones book, I had this awesome epiphany to write a sort of fantasy book, but based more on African culture. For example, as much as I love Tolkien, etc, fantasy books seem to be highly based on European [and specifically British]. There are certain values that are in these books. And even more than that, they often talk about lighter skin colors being more beautiful, more "good"/moral, etc. GoT talks all about "winter". So I've been thinking of writing a fantasy book, but instead of worrying about being cold and scary ice-creatures, the main concern is something like water and droughts, or maybe scary sand-monsters. Anyway, these are just some initial thoughts, and I'm kind of excited about it. It's given me more incentive, too, to try to read more books about African myths, epics, etc. Like I need to get my hands on the novel "Sundiata" which talks about the Mali empire. And I'm going to spend some time maybe researching other aspects, ideas, etc.

The Bad

So my life has also been otherwise boring and in increasing turmoil. What could I possibly mean by this? Well, in summary, things have gotten so bad with my host organization, leading me to have essentially no work and close to zero motivation. So instead, I read all five books of A Song of Fire and Ice, the series on which HBO’s Game of Thrones is based. [I know EVERYTHING that is going to happen next in the TV series, hehehehe]. Anyway, that was no small feat (have you seen the SIZE of these books?), just so you know, but it was very indicative of how much lying in my bed I’ve been doing recently.

Raili and I have had a few more meetings with Hubert, and once with the Premiere Adjoint. And there has been nothing but tension. They both claim that their increased interest in our lives is because Kate Puzey’s parents came to Benin, and they realize they are just SO WORRIED about Raili and I’s security. And in fact, that’s why Raili and I need to inform them of all of our movements, have them approve every person we interact with, etc. It’s frustrating for us, because that’s not at all out problem, we manage to be secure just fine, and apparently have people in village spying on us anyway. But we try to counter with the lack of support we receive from the mayor’s office, which doesn’t help us get work done. And still Hubert and the Premiere Adjoint say that if only WE would communicate more, then we would have all the support we needed. Fuming inwardly, we think of the times we HAVE tried to communicate, and have been repeatedly brushed aside for more important people and more pressing matters. A few weeks ago, then Hubert gave us an official letter from himself that basically said they wanted to end the mayor’s office’s partnership with Peace Corps.

So a few days ago, two peace corps admin came to Kerou to talk with Hubert and the Premiere Adjoint. Raili and I were told that most likely this meeting would result in us being moved from Kerou sometime in the next few months, because working in such a clearly hostile environment wouldn’t be good. But all that happened was that Peace Corps had this meeting, concluded that it didn’t really seem like anyone was that upset, and actually they just care SO MUCH about us, and we just need to establish better communication, and everything will be fine. Okay, good luck, bye.

In conclusion, the mayor’s office offers no support, but still wants us to do work, so really when nothing gets done, it’s all my and Raili’s fault. It's really frustrating, but I intend on just plodding along with the work I am doing, finding the support elsewhere, and not caring if I don't live up to the mayor's office's weird expectations.

Actually, this really changes nothing for me. I haven’t had much support from my host organization since the beginning, and yet I’ve managed to get plenty done. I do think about how much more I could have done in a better situation, but that’s not even worth thinking about. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, and there are plenty of other people in my village that appreciate me. So I plan to finish out my time in Kerou just doing what I’ve been doing, and get done whatever I can.

Then, of course, I have the required existential or whatever crisis for what I’m doing with my life. I don’t know if it’s been inspired by this latest turmoil, or if it is completely unrelated. It just could be that I’ve reached my breaking point with this country, or who knows. I’ve talked about doing a third year in Benin for a year and a half now, but suddenly, this has been called into question. I’m not sure if I want to be here for another year, still making a terrible salary, but living in Cotonou with ex-pats who make crazy amounts of money, and spend ridiculously. I don’t think if I want to deal with these two guys who harass me on my phone (one repeatedly invoking JUSUS (sic) CHRIST as the reason why I should sleep with him. His reasoning was that Jesus said, “ask and is shall be given” and HE’S ASKING ME TO GIVE IT UP TO HIM, so therefore I have to give my vajayjay to him #logic). I don’t know if I want to deal with another year of intestinal issues and constant brushes with death.

But then my neighbor is ridiculously grateful for some croissants I brought her for watching Luna. Then my artisan group is so excited for the lesson on budgeting I’m teaching. Then I look over my back wall to a phenomenally gorgeous sunset. Then I think about how much free time I have to myself and my self-betterment (hypothetically).

Nevertheless, once I started thinking about moving home, I can’t stop thinking about driving my car again (oh how I miss it), sitting on real toilets ALL THE TIME, and the lack of cockroaches. And more than that, actually having nice things in my life again, not worn clothing covered in dirt that will never come out, plastic cups that have handles broken off, and really everything that isn’t at this point worth replacing because it’s just going to get instantly dirty and ruined, because I live in a cement house in the Sahel full of dust.

I mean, seriously, what if I made real money, had a real structured job, the ability to take out restraining orders (no really, I fantasize about this)? I just don’t what I want in my life. I mean, I have an idea of what I want in the vague future, but right now, the next year? What is my next step?

The hardest part is that I don’t think I’ve ever been in this much inner turmoil before. I’ve always had a really clear path in front of me. I applied to ONE college, early, and got in, so I didn’t bother applying anywhere else, because I wouldn’t have gone anywhere else. I knew since I was five that I would go to France, and I did sophomore year, but by that time I was falling in love with Africa, so applied to study abroad in Senegal, and did that a year and a half later. I applied to start PhD programs in history, but didn’t get in. I didn’t mind though, and was determined to instead move home, work at a restaurant and apply for “real” aka 9-5 jobs until I got one. But within a month or so of being home I decided to do the Masters International/ Peace Corps program, and I subsequently did that. Do you see a pattern here? [Hint: it’s “Decide à Do”] But NOW, I’ve been determined to do a third year, and then *gasp* have started questioning that choice, but I have no idea what I actually want to do. I think this is literally the most stressed I have ever been in my life.  I’ve always valued my independence, but seriously, can’t someone for once just make this decision for me? K, thanks

(NO SERIOUSLY FEEL FREE TO LEAVE FEEDBACK IN THE COMMENTS OR EMAIL ME. I NEED HELP. SO MUCH HELP)

The Ugly

I may have talked to some of you about the following things before, but I’m not sure if I’ve written it down all together. Anyway, it’s amazing what two years of living in the backwoods of foreign country can accomplish. I am no longer the idealist many of you might see me as. Okay, I’m still a little bit of an idealist. I have big dreams for myself and big hopes for humanity. But a lot of my values have changed of late.

Firstly [and please make sure you’re sitting down for this one], I have actually become MORE of a capitalist. I’ll just let that one sink in. But in short, I think enterprise could be so much more effective at affecting change in developing countries than NGOs. Now, on the other side, this does not in any way mean that I have become less of a socialist. I know that doesn’t seem to make sense, but to me it does. I still believe that countries [US and developing countries] should have a decent minimum wage, limited work hours, laws that protect workers, and many other regulations for enterprise. I believe in a progressive tax system, and in government investment in infrastructure. That’s not pure socialism, obviously, but more of a mixed-market economy leaning towards socialism that I’ve always believed in.

So really it’s with NGOs that I’ve become disenchanted. NGOs, the pure beacons of do-gooding that is supposed to save the world. And while those perhaps focusing on human rights and social movements for the betterment of society, I believe still have a good role to play, provided of course that we monitor them. But NGOs and Foreign Aid are often harmful to Africa and other developing nations. I think they are, in general, doing more harm than good.

“BUT SHANNON,” you say, “You just asked me to give you money so that you could carry out an aid-project in that school!”

Yes, I know. And actually, that project is one of the best I think I’ve executed while I’ve been here. For example, my irrigation project, while highly appreciated, is already straying from its original intention, and despite my supervisor’s promises to expand it, it looks as though this will not actually happen.

But the School Improvement project has been awesome. I injected a little capital, and the community [led by the Director, Constant] made all the decisions on how to spend it. Additionally, Constant asked the community to contribute some of their own money when my grant came up short in a particular category. His reasoning was that he didn’t want the community to become to used to just receiving money and not having to put anything in. When I leave, he points out, he wants to be able to do some new project, and be able to rely on the community to help monetarily, as well as contributing the manual labor that they were doing already. Plus this project has a built-in sustainability aspect. Money will be used from the cornfield to keep it going.

On the other hand, however, a lot of this should have been the government. Benin should be paying for its schools and its teachers [we are actually in the midst of a months-long strike, because teachers have not been paid for much longer than that.] I am happy for the opportunity that you all and I got to make in the lives of these children. I am fairly confident that the lives of the children will be the better for their chance to learn in an equipped school and receive nutritional meals. But why wasn’t their government giving that?

Aid creates a culture of dependence. It creates a world where more well-off nations dump their second-hand items, and left-over supplies and pat themselves on the back. They send old shirts [or shirts with the incorrect superbowl champion on them] or second-rate shoes. Africa becomes a trash dump where we toss whatever we don’t want anymore, and then we’re shocked when it’s so dirty.

It creates a dependency where people expect to be told how to spend their money. Did you know that actually if you hand a poor person a stack of money, they are likely to spend all or most of it on wise purchases, use it to feed their families or invest in a small endeavor? But instead, we choose what people get. We have no idea what life is like here [I have a slightly idea in Peace Corps], but we send them money with conditions. You can only buy a cow with this. You can build a hospital, but you can’t provide family planning information, or at least definitely not abortion. You will use this money to grow cabbage. And this money to build a shea butter facility. We will come and build you this road. But you know what happens? The cow gets left with the Peul, whose job it is to herd cattle, and maybe they decide to sell it off for their own profit, rather than the profit of the family it was intended for. I mean, it was free, so what does it matter? The hospital would be more able to treat people if there weren’t as many pregnant girls. The cabbage never gets grown, because no one in the community actually eats that much cabbage. The shea butter facility doesn’t have the budget to pay people to actually run the machines, so it remains locked. The road crumbles after a few years of heavy use, but whoever built it has already moved on to the next country, and never gives another thought to the hunk of tar they laid down.

That is why I say I’m more capitalist now. Aid organizations just have to fill out numbers of people the hypothetically helped, with some flimsy evidence to back it up. Or maybe they have a requirement for how many hectares of agriculture have increased yields, again with flimsy evidence. They plop down an idea, tell the community good luck, and peace out. But an actual company, they can’t do that. They do have to worry about the bottom line. If they want to produce mango juice [or better yet, mango wine!] they can’t just plop down a juice-factory and hope for the best. They have to be there, make sure the center is operational, efficient, and produces high-quality products, and that the manager isn’t stealing.

Of course, my ideal isn’t a bunch of companies that ONLY focus on the bottom line. We need ones who also support their workers, and their local economy. Ones that maybe focus on production in the country that is the source of materials [rather than shipping things off to China or India, for example].

We don’t need to ask for better aid programs; we need to ask for better governments. We need governments that protect their workers, so that these incoming companies don’t exploit them. We also need governments that build infrastructure so that companies can operate more efficiently. We need a port in Benin that isn’t rampant with corruption. We need the governments in Africa and other developing countries to DO THEIR JOBS. Like education, public health, and safety and security for its citizens. They need to spend less time begging western nations for money, and subsequently spending that money in ways to get themselves as many votes as possible. We need real, good governance.

And we need organizations to come here with a concrete, money-making purpose in mind. Ex-pat workers [and even people like myself] would feel much more invested in this country if we knew our own livelihood depended on it. If we would get less money when our endeavors failed. If we knew we needed good roads to get our product to market. If we knew we needed to live here and want to be safe and healthy. We need political stability. Companies should be invested in their local economies. And all too often, NGOs simply exist to whip through, plop down a pre-conceived notion, and hurry off before they get too dirty. And then they get to collect their paycheck from a western organization.

Anyway, that’s the jumble of thoughts that I’ve had running through my mind as of late. I hope they at least make you think. And, again, any feedback/thoughts are welcome.